They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
