i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
