took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Randomize
