All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize