He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
