i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
