Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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