Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
