i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
