yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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