someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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