dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
as a side note pls kill me
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
