I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
