Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
