I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
