3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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