swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Alive.
So much puke
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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