I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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