I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
