On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
