I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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