i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
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