i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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