just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
