Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
