awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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