are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
please come you make the beer taste better
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
