I think im going to throw up on grandma
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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