she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
