great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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