Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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