It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
