Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Boobs speak an international language.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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