I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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