the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
