yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
