oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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