I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
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Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
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I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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