he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
