I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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