This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
