meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
