white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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