i think my tv is drunk
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
