spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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