yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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