Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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