i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
