y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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