didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
