Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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