Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
