I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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