I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
