four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
