Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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