I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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