dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
