Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
