You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
