its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
