Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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