Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
