He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
