so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
