True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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