It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
