I am in a vortex of obligation.
Someone shit on the floor
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
