Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
